How To Function
by Loaded Faint Of hearts
Summary: How to Function Normally With a Mental Illness A Naruto Guide to Appearing Normal to the Untrained Normal Eye SasuNaru
1. Chapter 1

**How to Function Normally With a Mental Illness  
**_**A Naruto Guide to Appearing Normal to the Untrained Normal Eye**_

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No money is made from this story.**

**A/N: Naruto has serveral mild mental illness, to help you better understand this: the bold text is the voice(s) in his head. No one else is able to hear them. "blod text" is the voice speaking through his own voice, which can be heard.**

**Warnings: OOC, Mild corse language, sexual referances, mild shonen ai (yaoi chapters will include strong warnings at the begining of relevent chapters).**

**Many thanks from Faint to Murasaki, my swag beta reader. **

**Chapter 1  
Banana Muffin**

So, they're all looking, _watching_, judging me and my cappuccinos. Not that it's not their right to do so, but hey, a smile and a '_thank you for the smexy coffee Naruto' _would be nice. But _nooo_, the coffee boy never gets the tips or _thank yous_. It's always the The pink haired waitress, Sakura or the the lazy bonned till guy, Shikamaru. No, no one appreciates my percolation, my heating to over 160 degrees, or my grinding. Hehe, grinding.

**Kukuku, **_**grinding.**_

Oh Kyuu, I knew you would like that one. Never one to miss a pervy opportunity are you?

**Of course not Nar. **

Hehe. Okay what was I doing? I take a quick peek at the order slip Shikamaru left on my counter. My new mission: one latte, no sugar, low fat, no fat, skinny, skim milk, for the blonde girl that works at the flower shop. I really want to lean over the counter and tell her she'd be better off with a glass of water. I always hear the flower girl _specify_ that she wants _skim_ milk, as in _low fat_, not _full cream_. She can always tell if I use full cream, because she comes back and yells at Shikamaru. Poor till boy, he always gets ragged on by the angry customers. But I guess he also gets all the praises and smiles, so it works out in the end-

**Is that low fat Nar?**

_Holy shit_, no it wasn't. The blonde flower girl's latte is now a fatty fat drink. Well there's only one thing for it: I turn to face the front counter and call out to my brunette manager, "Hey Shika! Here's your lunch break coffee."

It's a wonderful thing really. Whenever I make a mistake with a coffee order, I just hand it to the other staff -_nine times out of ten it's Shika- _that way nothings wasted and they _-the till master-_ stays alert and refreshed. Even when I make a mistake I'm still a brilliant chamer! Oh _yeeeah_. And right now, the till master's tufted brown pony tail is looking sad and in need of coffee.

"Nice one, blondie." He says to me as I deliver the sweet brew of love to him, which he cherishes with all his heart...or just glances at and nods at me. I'm sure he'll be enthusiastic once the cafine's hit him.

"Huh? What did you say?" I hear a high pitched voice chirp as I shuffle back to my counter. _Oh this'll be good_! Blonde flower Girl thinks he was talking to her! I'd like to see you get outta this one Shika! But alas, I have a new mission: Flower Girl skinny latte.

**And no fat this time.**

Thanks.

So, round two with the _beast_ a.k.a. _Gorgeous_, my lovely coffee machine. The entire Cafe staff hates her, but I love her and she loves me. We have an odd kind of relationship. She lets me make beautiful masterpieces with her utilities and I don't let anyone else touch her. She doesn't like other people touching her, like _at all._

And now she pours me some lovely black coffee, and heats the low fat, anorexic cow juice. And now Ladies and gentlemuffins, it's time to mix the cream in with the bean! This is my favorite part. I love how the dark coffee at the bottom turns a creamy brown color and I love to lift the milk jug really high and pour it in slowly, like a pro. I also like to make little patterns on the top. Though a cappuccino is a better artistic platform, I can work with a latte. _Hmmm_, a love heart for Flower Girl I think.

"Ready yet?" Shikamaru drawls as he comes over to get the blonde's coffee.

"Yup, skinny skim, low fat, no fat, perfect size 10 latte, with love." I smile at him cause he looks like he needs a smile. And possibly an double shot cappuccino..

"Sure, great," he grumbles, throwing his empty fatty latte cup in the sink. "She's such a drag. Why can't she go somewhere else?"

"Because my coffee is _so_ orgasmic of course!" I give him the thumbs up and he just sighs. He's a sighing guy, Shika the Till Master.

"What a drag. I should spike it with loads of sugar." He muses.

"_And ruin the love heart!_" I yell hysterically, louder than necessary.

"You're too loud. I can't deal with you right now." He sighs again and leaves with The Flower Girl's order. My heart is safe_! -Well, my artistic heart that is-._

I busy myself with the next order. It's not a fun one, long black, sit in, no sugar. Well someone's feeling adventurous today, _aren't they?_

**It's a business man. Or one of Sensei's University students.**

Too right. Those black-suits and study-whores love their boring coffees.

"Oh, you made a love heart? That's so cute!" Flower Girl's squee comes from the till counter, loud enough for the navy to hear. Wait a second…_Thats my love heart!_

"No, its the coffee boy's love heart, he must have-"

"Aww don't be shy, cutie. All you had to do was ask! Here…" Flower Girl started to write down something on a napkin. "Here's my number, call me up sometime."

I enter the scene just in time to see the _blonde-skinny-low-fat-Flower-Girl_ give _disgruntled-grumpy-sigh-a-lot pony-tailed-till-guy_ her number on a napkin.

Well. I am just a regular cupid!

**Too bad you can't do anything about your own love life...**_**Or lack there of-**_

Oh shoosh you! I have a beautiful realtionship with my Gorgeous!

Both Shika and I watch the sassy blonde walk out of our cafe with a bit of a strut -_well, as much as a strut as a chopstick can muster, but she's trying pretty hard; bless her blonde extensions_-.

"Well, well, well, Shikamaru," Our pink haired-waitress friend chimes in. "Looks like you got yourself a date!" That is, pink haired-waitress-angel/ _tip-master of Grand Grind Café: _Miss Sakura.

"I didn't want a date. It was his fault." Shikamaru's pointing at me. It's rude to point. So I tell him.

"It's rude to point, Shika!"

Sakura snickers while Shikamaru keeps point and accusing me. "It's also rude to send romantic signals to random people on your manager's behalf!"

"I didn't mean to, but the foam was _calling to me_!" I whine back, employing my trademark puppy eyes.

"Aw, Shika, you should be thanking Naruto! He got you a date!" Sakura defends me, as she takes more plated orders onto her waitress tray, ready to deliver to the beautiful customers!

**Most of them are **_**hidious.**_

I frown slightly at that. They're not hideous Kyuu, they're all beautiful and lovely. But...Maybe I shouldn't have made a love heart pattern on her drink...I hope she didn't mind.

"I don't even like her!" Shikamaru protests. I feel a little bubble of guilt rise in my tummy. Hmm, I should keep my foam art for the regular customers.

"Yes, you do!" Miss Sakura says, poking the till master in his lazy face. "You always go shy when she comes in, Shika."

"Sakura, I do not go shy. I'm not a shy person, I just don't like bothering with people!" I smile at Shikamaru as he says this. I can almost make out a little blush on his cheeks, _how sweet, _he does like the flower girl after all! I don't feel bad about the love heart now.

**He might get a date out of that hot chick. You have nothing to feel guilty about.**

But I didn't know that was going to happen did I? "_It was the foam! _The foam was calling to me, man_!_" I think I yelled that a little too loudly. Now my manager and waitress buddy are staring at me. _Awkward._ "Excuse me, I have a boring coffee to make." And with that I escape back to my Gorgeous, ignoring when Sakura stage whispers _"Weeeeeri-do." _To the lazy boned Till master. Well sort of ignore, even in a whisper, her voice is still quite loud.

Any way, onto my new mission: _Looong_ black, no sugar, in a little white mug. I'm not even gonna bother giving this person a spoon, they don't deserve it. Seriously, who comes into a café known for its amazing coffee boy who makes amazingly creative coffees and orders something so bland? Not even a muffin to go with it? Maybe I should pull a Shika and spike it with sugar; though they might go and complain to the poor lad who already gets drilled pretty badly about potential dates by a pink-haired gossip girl. _What to do, what to doooo?_

**Give the dare-devil a muffin to go with it?**

What a fantastic idea! The boss, Nagato, is always telling me to take more of the food home and eat more for lunch, which I don't, so I can give this person one from my lunch tab! _I am so epic!_ So blueberry, banana, chocolate chip or orange and poppy seed muffin? This is a hard decision, really; picking a muffin without knowing someone's personality first, I might end up offending the customer.

**How would a free muffin offend someone?**

Well Kyuu, imagine if they're a clean cut business man and I give them one of the chocolate chip muffins with the icing smiley faces; that could be awkward for everyone._So the pressure is on! _

**Then take a look and assess their muffin personality, idiot.**

Well, I will, but there's no need for mean names.

I take the boring coffee on its saucer _–I can get away with delivering it, seeing as Miss Sakura's still busy convincing Shikamaru to call the flower girl–_ and I look around the cafe for the table number 9.

It's a pretty good looking dude, who's about the same age as me, maybe a year or two older. He's got black hair, a black hoodie, some ear piercings, thick black-rimmed glasses, a novel and big statement headphones -_Looks like we've got ourselves a hipster in the building_!

**Judgemental much?**

Shh, I never said being a hipster was a bad thing, it's actually quite… hip. So which kind of muffin would a hipster like? I turn back and forth from the kewl looking guy and the muffin display cabinet, trying to pair him up. It's not like I've ever met a hipster before, so I don't really know what he would like-

**Get the banana. Hipsters are into banana.**

_How the hell would you know that?_

**Common knowledge.**

_Right_. Well I guess banana's are quite swag, we'll go with that. I take a big fat banana muffin out, put it on a saucer with a knife and butter sachet and walk over to the table with the funky little _9_ stand. The hipster looks at me from under his shoulder length bangs. I notice that the rest of his hair is quite short and gelled up at the back, all spiky and hip like. His dark eyes catch mine, inside his black-rimmed _-sort of sqwashed circle-_ Harry Potter glasses. Maybe he's a hipster wizard? _A hipzard?_

"Hello, long black for ya?" I ask, not that I need to, I can tell it's his; he did order it after all.

_"Hn." _He...litterally _grunts _back. Wow, talkative guy this one.

"Okay cool, here's your coffee. I made it myself so I hope you enjoy it. _Aaaaand _here's a muffin as well-"

"Didn't order that." The hipster says blandly in a deep voice. _Double wow, _he's actually a _cave man_.

"Well, yes I know you didn't order it, but it's from me, cause I thought you might like it and-"

_"No." _He practically _grits_ out at me.

_**Shot down**_**.**

_How rude. Both of you._

"No, see…" How to say this without being lame? "It's like a gift, free of charge. On the house, ya know."

**He ain't buying it, Nar.**

I know he's not buying it, I'm giving it to him, that's the point! Why is it so difficult to be nice?

**Tell him it's banana.**

"Okay, um, I'd really like for you to have this muffin." Pushing the muffin a bit closer to him, I panic a little when he still looks as if he is about to blow me off again. _"It's Banana!"_

He brushes his black bangs from his face and looks at me for a second. He has really dark eyes under those thick glasses. He's looking at the muffin, he's reaching for the muffin, he takes the muffin, he bites, he _scores_!

**You're smiling like a mad man, Nar, which is **_**great**_** if you're trying to freak him out**.

_"Hn."_ He just stares up at me. And I can't help but stare back. His dark brown hipzard eyes are really deep and nice. But, after like a minute of staring, it starts making me feel a bit weird and exposed, so I take that last grunt as a: _Wow, coffee boy_, _you're so nice and awesome, thank you so much_ and bail. "Okay have a good one."

**Yeah, he was a bit strange, but that was nice of you.**

Yeah it was nice, wasn't it? Maybe he does appreciate it, but he's too cool to show me.

**And his eyes, they were nice.**

They sure were nice. Well, back to my Gorgeous now to make more _wonderful_ coffee.

**And I told you he'd be into banana.**

After a few minutes of pink hair twirling and severe interrogation from Sakura, about the _hottie_ I served _-honestly, she'd gossip over anything- _I was free to finish my day's work without further incident. Well, apart from Sakura and I prank calling the Flower Girl. She seemed pretty keen on Shikamaru, so we set up a time and place for a date this weekend -_Gosh, we are such good match makers_-, which Shika was practially _mortified _ it sure was a fun way to filll in the rest of the day.

I'm standing at my counter ticking off _end-of-shift_ duties that need to be done. My Gorgeous is already cleaned and ready for her beauty sleep, all the remaining pastries and lunch foods are packed up and divided between the three of us staff, the till is counted and the day's takings ready for the boss to pick up, except-

**Where is that sexy red haired man?**

I just wondered about the exact same thing, _-without the sexy part-_ the big boss Nagato, is usually here before six, to take the till money to the bank and the float for tomorrow home with him. Except he's late today, which is kind of strange, but it means that we have time to harass Shikamaruinto going on this date with the Flower Girl_. It's a match made in heaven!_

"Shut up, I'm not going on a date with her, so give it up."

"Never!" I yell at Skikamaru. "I fight for _love_ and _justice_!"

"You're too troublesome, Naruto."

"Guys, be quiet!" I hear Sakura hush -_loudly - _at us. "Nagato's on the phone."

I didn't even hear the phone ring. Looks like Shika didn't either, because we both seem to be looking at Sakura with the same stupid look on our faces.

Sakura purses her lips and hums into the phone. "Uh hu… Yeah… Yeah we had a pretty quiet day… Yeah…" I fidget with the zipper on my jacket, while Sakura continues to talk to our Boss. "Uh hu… Yeah, there was this _hot guy_ in here before. Naruto served him… Oh yeah… _Ooooh_ yeah…"

I half heartedly glare at Sakura, willing her to stop talking about me and my Hipster.

"Yeah, he's right here, you wanna talk to him?… Sure." She flicks her pink locks out of her face and passes me the telephone.

I take it and hold it gingerly, hoping I'm not in trouble for something. "_Hellooo?" _I sing into the phone.

"Hey Naruto," I hear Nagato's deep throat voice rasps through the phone."I was just wondering if-"

"_Nooo!_" I cut him off. "It was just one muffin, Nagato, I swear! And it was always have _so_ many of those left over at the end of the week and he was only drinking a long black which is _so_ boring and-"

**Breathe.**

Thanks.

I take a deep breath. "And you're always saying that I should steal more food from here so I–"

"_Naruto!_" Wow, Nagato's usually such a quiet guy, but he sure has a set of lungs on him.

"Ah, yeah?"

"I need to ask you something, so can you shut up and listen for _one minute_?" He sounds annoyed, not sure why though.

I lean on counter and sigh. "Yeah sure, Naggy. Go ahead." Jeez, all he had to do was say so.

I hear him sigh then continue to say: "Okay, so I can't come in tonight to pick up the takings for the day. I wanted to know if you can take them home for the night, because I don't like to have the cash and the float in the store."

"Yep, thats fine. I can do that. It's not like I haven't done this before." I chirp back happily.

"Okay, thats great, Naruto. Thanks a bunch."

"Sooo…**Did Yahiko pound your ass so much you couldn't drive down?**"

Oh My Gosh Kyuu! Don't say things like that to my boss!

"What! No, of course not! Shut up." Nagato's voice suddenly takes on a histerical squeak. I smack myself in the face, knowing he's going to roast me alive when I see him next. "It's none of your business, just take the god damn money home!" After that he hangs up on me. I turn to my confuzzled co workers. "Yahiko was home today," I explain, which is shortly followed by a double _Ahhh_. "So he wants me to take the takings home with me, thats all." Shika nods and Sakura passes me the envelope of money, along with my pay slips.

Sakura starts packing her stuff up with a cute little smile on her face. "Well, I guess thats a wrap then, lads. Dunno about you two, but I'm going home to my sexy-_sexy_ man!"

"Naw, Miss Sakura! Say hi to Lee for me, yeah?" I smile at her gooey eyes. I've always had a soft spot for Lee. He makes Sakura so happy.

Shika smirks from the front door as we all pile out and I lock up. "Yeah, and give him some youthful loving tonight" he snickers.

"Oh shut up!" Sakura bites back. "You'll be having your own youthful loving with _Ino_ this weekend. Maybe I should get Lee to come in and give you dating advice?" Sakura winks at me and I can't help but laugh out loud.

**Evil, that is just evil.**

I know Lee is epic, but he can be _so_ enthusiastic sometimes, which doesn't go down well with _Mr. Lazy-ass-would-rather-take-a-nap._

Said lazy man cringes, then turns to me and says a little bit too seriously: "Hey, be careful with all that money, Naru. See you tomorrow." He waves and starts to walk to the right down the street, when Sakura smacks him with her pink bag, which flings his pony tail about the place hilariously. "Shikamaru! Don't say that, you'll make him paranoid!" She yells at him loudly. It's so funny watching her whip people, though it's definitely not funny when you're the one being whipped. _I know this._

**She hits like a gorilla.**

"Ha! Shika got owned!" I cheer happily and avoid the glare he sends me.

"Naru baby, don't worry," Sakura broke in with a serious tone. "You're perfectly safe walking home. It's only half past six."

"Yeah, Sakura I know! I'll be fine, I've done this loads of times." I give her my brightest smile ever, so she can see I'll be fine. "I'm a big boy now!" I laugh at her little eyebrow twitch.

"Yeah, see he'll be fine. I gotta go, Doctor Who's on tonight." With that Shikamaru leaves.

Still smiling, I hug Sakura goodbye. "I'll be fine. See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, if you're so sure. See you."

I leave down the street and give her one last wave. Honestly, I've done this a million times, as if I have anything to worry about.

**New and improved version of How To Function. If you're an old reader, let me know what you think of the changes. If you're a new reader, I'd love to hear your thoughts on HTF.  
Again, thank you Murasaki for all your hard work and help fixing this story. I owe you big time.**

**Faint.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No money is made from this story.**

**Chapter Two  
Burried down, Far down.**

_God, Shika was right_. He knew it wouldn't be safe for me to carry all this money home. He knew it. Why didn't I take the bus home? Why didn't I yell at Nagato to come and get the money tonight? It's not safe out here. Someone is going to take this money from me, I know it, Shika knew it and I can _feel_ it.

**That's over two thousand dollars, Nar.**

I can't afford to pay that if someone mugs me! _What the hell was I thinking?_

**And you have your weeks wages with you too.**

_Fuck. _I have to get home quickly. It's almost eight and I still have a few more blocks to go. I walk as fast as my legs will carry me and I can feel my chest tighten, my breathing sounding shallow and loud. Why the hell did I stop to buy milk and smokes? I don't need them! If I hadn't stalled there, I would be home by now and not out here in the dark. _I'm so stupid._

**Nar, calm down. You're not breathing properly.**

I'm so stupid. Anyone could steal this money and Nagato will be so disappointed. He'll fire me if I lose today's takings-

**Idiot, he wouldn't fire you for getting mugged.**

I need that job, it pays my rent. _Fuck!_ How will I pay my rent if this money is stolen from me? What will I do? I don't have any savings. I can't afford another apartment!

**What about Iruka? You could stay with him.**

I can't stay with him. He would offer, but I only just moved out of his place last year. He shouldn't have to keep looking after me, I've already been so much of a burden to him already.

**He never saw you as a burden.**

Yes I was. If I have to move in with him again, he might have another break down and…

There's someone walking behind me. I can hear footsteps, someone walking quickly_. Oh God, I can't lose this money, I just can't! But I know I'm going to, I know it._

**Just keep calm and walk casually. You have a hooded jacket on, so they will probably think you are one of those punks and leave you alone.**

What if they're a punk too and want a fight? What if they bash me and steal Nagato's money? What the hell will I do? I can't take this, everything is spinning. _I can't breathe._

_**Nar, breathe, calm down!**_

You're right, I know you're right Kyuu, but I'm too nervous. I can't breathe in properly anymore. I sound like I have lung cancer. God, I'm going to get mugged, bashed, become homeless and die of lung cancer under a park bench or something, oh God. _Why am I so stupid and pathetic?_

**There are some houses over there with street lights. Go there. You being mugged is less likely if you're in front of someone's house, Nar.**

Okay. Okay, I'll go over there. The street lights are hurting my eyes. Why did I walk home in the dark? If I had left town at six, on time, it would still be a bit light and the street lamps wouldn't even be on yet, but I dawdled and talked and bought milk and I'm so stupid and someone is going to steal all this money and–

_**Calm down, Nar!**_

_"I can't!"_ I choke out, my voice broken. I touch my face, I'm crying and I didn't even realize. I can't calm my breathing, my heart is going spastic in my chest and it hurts. I bend over and push my hand onto my chest, trying to make it stop hurting.

**Nar, it's okay. You're under a street light. No one is stupid enough to mug you now.**

Fuck, if I don't get mugged where I stand, they'll rob me when I pass out. Even though I'm directly under a street lamp, my vision is going blotchy, like I've got a black bridal veil or something over my head. _God, my chest hurts._

**You're going to pass out if you don't calm down. Go and sit down for a moment, okay?**

Alright. There's a park a little bit up ahead. I stumble up to it and sit on a bench. It's bathed in light as well, so I should be okay, right?

**Yeah, you'll be fine. Now take deep breaths.**

Alright, I'm trying. It isn't really working, but at least sitting down has made me less dizzy. My vision is less blurred now. But I'm still so far from my apartment block and I still have to walk past the other housing complexes, which, if there were a block where a gangster or mugger would live, it'd be there.

**That is true but-**

I can't just stay here all night. It's too cold and I'll freeze. Why didn't I get a lift home? Why didn't I leave earlier?

**Catch your breath and you can jog the rest of the way. It's not far.**

But the money! What about all that money? I can't believe I brought it with me. I'm so stupid! I'm going to lose it all, _I just know it!_

**You've done this before, Nar. Remember?**

Yeah, but I can't believe I would actually be so careless with Nagato's money _and_ my job. In this part of town, walking alone at night_. I'm so stupid. And pathetic. _And I'm crying again. God, what is wrong with me? I must have been dropped on my head when I was born or something.

**Nar, don't say that. It'll be ok.**

How? How will it be okay? Someone is going to steal Nagato's money and my pay and I can't pay it back and–

_**Hide it.**_

What?

**Hide the money, somewhere in this park, Nar. There's loads of gardens and no one comes here during the day anyway, so you can hide it. Then come and pick it up tomorrow morning.**

Seriously? But what if someone sees me do it? Or a dog digs it up or something?

**Well, what other options do you have?**

I try to calm down and think. My breathing is beginning to even out. I'm still crying but that can't be helped. I think over my options. Well, I could stay here on this bench and sleep here the night.

**But it's cold and someone could find you sleeping and steal the money from you.**

Okay, no. I could risk walking home. Or running as fast as I can.

**Nar, you're having trouble breathing now and you nearly passed out before. Do you think you can really run three blocks?**

No. Or I could hide the money and walk home. And maybe get mugged. But at least then I won't lose any money.

**You could still get hurt though?**

That doesn't matter. Once they realize I don't have any money, they'll leave me alone. I'd rather get a black eye and have my phone stolen then disappoint Nagato.

**So hiding it is then?**

That looks like it's the best option. But where do I hide it? I slowly get up and look at the closest patch of garden. It's packed with plants. Maybe I can hide it underneath those? I scratch around under one but the ground is pretty hard and my fingers keep hitting root balls. This is going to be hard to dig a hole.

**Wait, there was a shovel in the front yard of that white house back there.**

I didn't notice one before. But yeah, now I see it too. It's a little shovel, the handle maybe two feet long. It's leaning against a white slat fence in one of the yards I passed before. I walk back there and look at it for a second. I don't feel good about stealing someone's shovel.

**You're using it to make sure no one steals Nagato's money though.**

Yeah but stealing is stealing and it's still wrong.

**But you only need it for a few minutes, and then you'll give it right back. It's not like you're keeping the shovel.**

Yeah, that's right. I'm only borrowing it. I'm sure that's okay and I'll put it right back where I found it anyway. I take it and go back to the garden. I get to work and start digging. It's quite a sharp little shovel too. It easily cuts through the root balls. The hole I've dug is actually quite deep. I step into the hole and the rim is about half way up my shin.

**It didn't need to be that deep.**

I know. I guess I got a little carried away in my jittery-ness. I unzip my backpack and take out my wallet, my phone, my spare hoodie and what ever else is in there.

**Why don't you just put the envelope in?**

It might rain, which would ruin the money, or be too hard to find when I try to dig it up later, so I'll burry it while it's in my backpack. It's a really old one anyway, so It's okay if it gets ruined. I fill the hole in really well and wiggle one of the plants closer, so no one can see the disturbed dirt.

**What about a dog? They could still sniff it out.**

Yeah… I spray the ground and plants with my deodorant, a trick I once saw on McGyver. He sprayed perfume to distract sniffer dogs away from a freshly dug booby trap.

**No one will find it. The money is completely safe and you won't lose your job.**

"Yep." Shika will be pleased that I kept the money safe. I run back to the house and put the little shovel exactly where I found it. But I have to lean against the fence for a minute. I shouldn't have run. My breathing is still not back to normal yet and my chest still feels really tight.

**It's a good thing you didn't choose to run home. You wouldn't have made it.**

Yeah, I would have passed out half way there. Everything else I had in my back pack is now stuffed into my hoodie pockets – _except my spare hoodie, which I tie around my waist – _and I slowly walk home feeling less nervous.

After a while, when I finally get close to my building, I see some guys talking loudly and sounding like they've been drinking. I feel my chest tighten hard again.

One of them calls out to me from across the street, in a slurred voice. "Hey kid! _Got any smokes?"_

I knew this would happen. There's five of them and they're all a lot bigger and older than me. If they picked a fight, I'd have little hope of taking them all on. One or two maybe, but not five.

But… somehow… I know that the cash is safe and I don't feel as scared about being mugged anymore. I take few deep breath, which helps to relax my chest, and shake away the jitteriness. I live in this area of town, I know how to talk to these kind of people.

"Yeah, man. Paul Malls okay?" I call back in a friendly way and _-as confidently as I can-_ walk over to them.

I can't really see their faces, as there're no street light on this side of the road, but I can tell they're all very tall and bulky. Four of them take a smoke off me each. Which is fine, I don't mind. They borrow my lighter as well and I say good night to them. They talk loudly and laugh about something as I walk away. It's the talking that tells me they aren't following me, which makes me feel stupid about being nervous in the first place. They were just some young guys who wanted a smoke.

**But if you'd come home with the cash, and acted skittish...**

Yeah, and they probably would have started something. They seemed like the kind of guys that would. I hate judging people, but I'm so glad I hid that money. I let myself into my apartment, feeling good about not having been mugged. I kick converse off to the wall and take my hoodie off and empty my bulged pockets. After locking my front door, and double checking the lock, I do a big stretch and loosen my tense shoulder muscles and head into my bathroom. What I see_… I can't believe it_: all that time, in the park, digging, then walking, then giving those guys smokes, _I was crying the whole time._ My face and the front of my shirt is soaked with tears. I wonder what those guys thought about me? Did they sympathize for me? Is that why they didn't hurt me? Did you know I was crying that whole time, Kyuu?

**No, I thought you stopped after you buried your backpack...**

Well, whatever. I doubt they saw my face anyway. I couldn't really see theirs either.

**It was quite dark.**

I'm just glad to be home and okay. Knowing that Nagato's and my money is safe I'll definitely sleep more easily.

**And it'll be there in the morning for you to pick up. You'll see that everything is alright.**

Yeah. Why was I so stressed before? Ha! I'm such a worry wart sometimes.


End file.
